Hey folks, its me! I know, what with all the reblogging going on, I suspect people aren’t wondering what is going on in my life. I know, no one cares. I’m just here to vent. Lol. π
Anyways, to update, as of tomorrow, Candle and Cauldron will have been open 1 week! Whoohooo! We’ve already got an artisan (musician) renting a table from us. So that’s cool. We’re hoping to get more soon.
That’s the good news.
There’s also…what I suppose could be called bad news.
Longtime readers will no doubt remember I have…issues with my mother. Hardcore issues. That made me run from home with the help of a few friends I had at the time and not talk to her for like a year and a half. Recently, and I can’t remember if I mentioned this, I finally contacted my mother again. With the shop opening and losing my job, I needed as much money as I could get. Since she owes me at least $3000, give or take, I figured it was money I needed to collect so I could cover things. And while at it, collect the remainder of my possessions I’d been forced to leave behind because she’d buried them somewhere under her stuff.
The response was…mixed. I had to track her down at her job a couple times. Texts were unreliable at times. I called upon her to turn over that which was owed. She said she’d have to review and see what was in fact owed by whom and to who. This has lasted for weeks. Till, upon the last Day of Thor, faced with being penniless in the face of needing gas and to cover a bank account that I’d spent the last of my money on to bring to balance, but which the bank charged regardless of having told me it would be good, so I called upon her to merely give me $60, which would cover everything, and hopefully, give me gas money.
I barely made the meeting time she set, thanks to traffic. When I arrived, with but 45 minutes in which to get to the bank to avoid another $30 dollars added on to the $30 they were going to charge me, and thus taking all the money I asked for, I asked if she had it. She said to sit down. I told her I didn’t have time, that it was an emergency, and that I could return after.
She refused. She called me a lair, because I had a second job that I “hadn’t told her about” (turns out this was the rune reading gig, a thing I’ve had to put on hold for now, and which was never making me money anyways. She knew about this job since I had it when I lived with her). She didn’t like my attitude. So she wasn’t going to hand it over.
This is the same woman who would always hand over money to my sister, who pulled the same moving style that I did when she left. My sister’s attitude was even worse than mine, but my mother always handed over money, helped her out, and so forth.
To add insult to the injury, I was told that if I didn’t shape up my attitude, my stuff that had been left with her was going to the dump. Among these items is a collection of legos that probably is worth several hundred dollars. I’ve been wanting to get them back for near on a decade now, since I had to leave them behind when we moved out before the divorce, and which she’s stuffed away in storage no matter how often I’ve asked for them over the years. It may seem childish to want them, but they were my favorite play things as a kid, and I have the dream that someday when I have kids, I can add my collection to theirs, keep it growing, and play legos with my kids. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a kid.
And if you know anything about me, I’m pretty attached to my possessions. Destroy them, and well….we’re going to have a problem. I sink my power into them, and gain strength from them.
Finishing it off, she brought me some of my stuff. All the junk. Nothing I’d asked for. And when I say junk, I mean junk. Most of it was stuff that I’m just puting in a trash can. Some cheap ass toys going to good will. There were three Lego things in there: Empty boxes. That’s right. The empty boxes. Not the giant collection. And when I couldn’t put everything in my car, she sweetly said she’d hang on to it for me, like she was doing me the greatest favor in the world.
And I got an answer as to the amount of money she “owes me.”
Turns out, apparently, I owe her. That’s right, she borrowed $20,000 from me (and according to my Dad, argued that because she was going to have to pay back each of her children that amount, she needed more alimony/support), and apparently I owe her money. From what, you ask? Oh, just the time when she moved me out of the house so she could argue that she was by herself, and thus needed more alimony.
Yep, you read that right. Her son owes her money, from the time he was forcibly moved out of the house, so that she could make a legal case to get more money. Which, I’m told, probably counts as defrauding the court, especially since I was forcibly dragged back to living with her after the lease was up and the case was settled (in her favor, I do believe). And now, apparently, that amount was enough to surpass the $1500 owed for my graduation present (my sister got a cruise, I got called a selfish bastard for wanting to go visit my GF at the time in another state for her birthday, and told I’d get the money when I had something better for it) and what I do believe was at least $2000 left from the initial $20k.
At which point, I’ve realized, my mother had made her choice. She’s going to remain a power tripping abuser, no matter what happens in her life. She’s going to blame everyone but herself for why I turned against her. She is not going to pay back what is owed. I find it doubtful she’s even going to return the rest of my stuff to me. She’s going to drag it out for as long as she can, threaten to destroy what’s left, and in the end…she might take it to the dump anyways. After all, she had no problem taking away my most precious and beloved toys as a kid and locking them away form months, even a year or two, on end. I can see her destroying what’s left of my stuff out of spite.
Which leaves me to make my choice. Do I try to get my stuff back, put up with her villainy and abuse, or do I do what I believe I should have done when I moved out? Do I try to regain my precious collection, and the dream of playing with them in the future with my kids, or do I give into the rage and scorch the earth with my demonic fury as I go after her?
Thoughts?
I think you should do a little of both. Be as sweet as pie to get your stuff back and then, salt and pillage when that is over.
LikeLike
That’s part of what I’m thinking…but I really don’t know if i can stand to be nice π
LikeLike
I completely understand that.
LikeLike
Harsh. I think you should talk to a lawyer. Legal Aid, just to get a handle on what they think your rights are, what it would take (time, money, resolution, whatever) to enforce your rights, what you would risk if you just break into places and take things.
It’s clear there is no relationship to salvage, it’s just a matter of regaining what you can in terms of money, possessions and self-esteem.
But talk to a free lawyer for your basic options.
LikeLike
hmm, if legal aid is free, i might consider that. the problem is that a lawyer would cost more than I’d get back.
Breaking in to get my stuff would be nice, but i realize that it probably isn’t viable. That said, I was thinking more of going to her job and calling her out on her behavior. She said if I showed up she’d call security on me. Then again, I’m a “Bad boy” and that helps my image, where as she’s built up the illusion that both her children are just perfect. It would do more harm to her than me, I think. So that’s one thought.
LikeLike
Don’t worry about trying to harm her, just on getting your stuff back. *Threatening* to go to her job might help you get stuff back, but if she gets that warning, she might well reframe you there as a troublemaker in advance.
Look for Legal Aid or something similar in your community – ask city hall what is available, or ask a support group for Latinos, whatever. Get advice.
LikeLike
Hmm, good advice on that. City hall might be a good place to start with the free legal advice.
I am not sure what the Latino support group would do, seeing as none of those involved have a drop of Hispanic blood in them, lol. Now if there was a Scandinavian support group…
LikeLike
How much of the money issue is in writing? If you can prove in any way that she does in fact owe you and not the other way around then yes, I would talk to a lawyer.
You could also- and I realize this is *not* what you want- cut all ties and let her stew in her own juices until the end of time. Sometimes there is a kind of sadistic joy in stepping away and letting them wallow in their own misery while you move on with your life. Of course that doesn’t solve the issue of needing cash right now. Hmm… start offering readings again?
LikeLike
Sadly, she was the only one with “records” of what is/was owed. So there’s not really a way I can prove what she owes unless there’s a way of having someone go over her accounts and making a legal argument for misuse of funds or fraud.
And I am planning to cut all ties with her from now till her grave. The only real question is do I burn and salt the earth first, or try and get the last of my stuff before I do that, or just straight up do it.
These, sadly, are not easy questions to answer, hence my asking for help/advice.
LikeLike
Ask for stuff one more time, as politely as you can stand to- this is worth a shot simply because she is at least acknowledging you right now and would hear the request. If stuff does not appear- salt and burn and stalk away with head held high. Stuff sounds pretty wonderful, but is it really worth all this?
LikeLike
I see the wisdom of your words. That may be what I do. Thanks.
LikeLike
Oh man. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best. I don’t talk about it on my blog, but in my bio when I say I’m a survivor…I mean I’m a survivor of a pretty severe childhood and I send you so much support in this situation. I hope you get your stuff back, but your sanity and personal boundaries are worth a lot!
LikeLike
Thank you very much for your kindness.
I fear though, my sanity is shot to Helheim (at least according to my friends and what I can figure of myself). But there may still be room to have thoe personal boundaries. π
LikeLike
Lucius, just a quick question for you, are you sure She still has your stuff? If you are sure then rather than going all guns (or Hammers) blazing, ask Hel for assistance in getting your stuff back, unless one of your others are more suited to Justice. You give Honour, Faith and reverence to your Gods, I am sure if you sent up a heart felt Prayer, they would help you resolve this without putting yourself in harms way.
Walk in Faith and Balance
Ian
LikeLike
Thank you for your wise words.
Sadly, I’m having to trust her (XP) that she still has the rest of it. For all I know, she could have actually thrown it out since our last conversation.
I like your idea of asking Hel. While she isn’t a Goddess of law, protection, or the like, she is pretty close to being my patron. Thor, certainly, would work. Tyr as well. At the same time, I haven’t really wanted to drag my Gods into this fight. Partially because I feel this is something I should do for myself, to face something I ran from rather than faced before. And, partially, because If I bring my Gods in, she might bring hers in. Not, that is to say, that she might not have already.
But I shall consider your words. Perhaps I should ask for divine help in this. Thank you.
LikeLike
Fair point, but we have all run away from things in the past, which gives you the ability to get stronger or have allies to count on. From the time you ran you have no doubt become stronger, in yourself as well as strength, and you have Allies, both immortal and mortal.
What Path does She follow? just wondering, that is all, and with this I do not require an answer, just for you to think about it, but Is She the type to start a war and go running for help, or have back up and push until push becomes shove?
LikeLike
She, as far as I can tell, follows some form of Judaism. One that, while perhaps not as openly, expresses both the rather abusive nature of that religion’s relationship with its god, and the constant feeling of being special via persecution. No wrong has she ever done, but ever the world turned against her. Kind of the whole “I/we are the chosen because everyone persecutes us so.” mixed with the “i know my faith/morality is absolutely the truth.”
The go start a war thing, no. But there have been times where, when living with her, I was concerned about her going off the deep end and taking us both out.
LikeLike
Interesting, As close to the Original Old testament Judaism as is possible to get I think, and I do understand the mentality of such people. I read the entire Psalms while laid up in hospital when I was 15, it really surprised the hell out of me, I will tell you. So full of revenge, bloodlust and victimization. Woe is me.
In that case Hel is your Patron, which is why I spoke of Her first, you have pledged your life to Her, so I really do not think that She will give you up without a fight, unless it is your time, which I doubt, So Ask Hel and Thor for assistance in getting any of your stuff back from Mother, because it is NOT Justified in her keeping it, but it is Justified that you should have it back. And no this is not a declaration of War, but Justice, because although Justice maybe blind, She is not deaf.
LikeLike
Yeah, patron wise there seems to be a bit of a debate over who gets me, with Hel, Freya, and Thor in the lead. lol.
So I haven’t sworn myself to anyone just yet on that front.
And yes, it is about as close to the oldest form of Judaism you can get, sometimes, on her part. I mean, my ancestors were all about the blood-lust and vengeance, but not so much the victimization or the genocide. I think they would be rather…put out.
You do raise a good point. I’ve been trying to talk to them, get their opinion on the matter.
LikeLike