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A Heathen's Path, feminism, feminists, fempocalypse, girlwriteswhat, Heathen, men's day wednesday, News, Pagan, Rants, Religion
I suppose this will count as a delayed Men’s Day Wednesday post. Girlwriteswhat is really cool.
Found This
17 Thursday May 2012
Posted in Men's Day Wednesday, News, Rants, Religion
Son of Hel 
Though I really enjoyed listening to this, and I do very much agree with a great deal of it, I would say that she does a good job of parsing facts and statistics, but ultimately fails to see more than that.
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explain?
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It would be difficult for me to fully develop my argument in the space of a comment reply, but I will attempt to share my thoughts on a small segment. I will preface my comments by saying that I am not a feminist.
When this woman discusses reproductive issues, and women getting pregnant outside of wedlock, I disagree with her in that both parties are responsible for that -the woman just as much as the man. It is true that women have control over their bodies birthing a child, but men have control over whether or not they allow their seeds to enter the woman.
Add to this that even the most effective of birth control methods is less than 100% effective. In addition, the quality of education available to many regarding these topics is flawed or false…. For one person to have to foot the bill for this “indiscretion” for 18+ years is truly out of balance…. Which brings us to the subject of abortion.
In an earlier post, you discussed that abortion is the act of taking a life, simply put. Many folks’ moral, beliefs, or what have you do not line up with this act, and so choose to have an unplanned child. I have three of them (unplanned children) myself. Though I did take precautions (birth control), in all three instances, it did not work for me for one reason or another….. For myself or any other woman to bear that burden alone would not be fair or just. (I happen to be blessed with an honourable SO who is an amazing father to all three, but I am, as I said, blessed.)
On another hand (and there are always many hands involved), the fact that the system will most always grant custody to a mother (unless she is ridiculously unfit) is appalling. That does not fall under the category of fair *or* just. There are many aspects of this system that need to be revised and reviewed.
In this instant, self-gratification society where abstinence is not practical or likely, yet it is often the only bits of information that is presented to many, and reproductive issues are not addressed is full, there is more at play that just a Male vs. Female situation. The scales are out of balance in many directions, be it gender, social class, etc.
There are so many factors, that I could, and would, go on endlessly about this one aspect of the conversation. What I would like to bring to light here is that, while her information may be broadly correct, there are so many factors that she has not taken into account. Although broad and sweeping generalizations may on surface ring true, the are like looking at a black and white photograph. While we can see that there are many shades of grey, and know the contents of the picture, but you miss the richness of the color contained therein.
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I see what you’re saying.
That said, a woman has as much (actually, a lot more, when you factor in legal restraints) control over letting the man’s seed enter her as the man has of letting it enter her. And once said seed has entered, she gains total control over it, where as he loses all control over it.
Yes, having one person foot the bill for 18+ years is bad and unfair. But is it not as bad (if not worse) to wrangle someone in to footing 50% (often more like 70+% at time) of that bill for something they did one time and had no control over after. As you said, birth control doesn’t always work, so a man who practices “Safe sex” and has no intentions of fathering a child and takes precautions not to let his seed enter the woman, can still suddenly find himself in what is essentially indentured servitude for 20 years of his life, with no voice in what happens to the kid, and many a time, no part in the kids life beyond being a faceless paycheck to mommy.
Girlwriteswhat was talking about the UK, but here in the US there are generations of women raised by their mothers and grandmothers to get pregnant simply so they can get the child-support checks and government benefit checks. They have made an industry of turning a “thirty minute workout” into a way to make men (sometimes multiple men) “pay up” for 18 years.
Maybe I’m biased, but that sounds a lot more unfair than making a woman pay for everything when she gets control of everything. As it stands, the “fair way” makes each parent pay around 50% while giving 100% of the control to one person.
That’s like making someone help you pay half or more of your car payment, but not letting them see the car, drive the car, or chose what happens to the car. All because they spend an evening helping you pick out the car.
As you said, abstinence isn’t viable for some people. Birth control doesn’t always work. One person shouldn’t have to “pay” for an accident or mistake for the rest of their life. But is it unfair to ask that person to pay it all when they get control of it all?
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Again, this is why I truly believe the system needs a complete overhaul. Such situations should be decided on a case-by-case basis, instead of in the manner that we currently do things with favor almost always falling in the favor of the women. If a man is going to foot half the bill, then he should get the benefit of having joint custody.
At the same time, I have to say that child support rarely covers half the costs that it takes to raise a child. There are so many factors to this that one could write books, and many have been written.
As for your comment about girls who have been raised to have children for the paycheck, I take issue with that. If that is ever true, it is rare and an exception. What is true is that if a child is raised in an environment where there is a “norm,” that child is likely to continue that cycle, not having role models or the education to break it.
I have worked in high schools where there are day cares. Here we have beautiful young men and women that come from low-income, mostly uneducated families. Their parents want the best for them, and so many of them work multiple jobs. Even then, at minimum wage (or sometimes lower) they are just squeaking by. How can a parent guide a child when that parent is doing their best just to survive, and is never home. Who is there to teach them how to end that cycle?
For the ones whose parents are at home, if the mothers and/or fathers don’t know how to end the cycle, how will their kids learn it? In Texas, where I live, their school counselors are discouraged, if not banned, from telling the kids about various alternatives. Many of these children also come from very religious, often Catholic homes, where birth control methods are considered a sin.
My point is, these situations are not black and white. They are not gender issues. our society has lost our morals, our honor, our respect. etc., etc. ad infinitum.
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I feel like the best solution would be to have a system where both genders are completely equal before the law. Equal rights, but also no entitlements. No alimony, no affirmative action, no quotas, no preferential treatment etc. This would result in a system where men and women do what is natural to them, rather than relying on an overly bloated bureaucracy to make things work.
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