Right. Second week of the letter J. Still lame. Still nothing to write about. Still feel like crap.

I’ve been watching DBZ Abridged. I think it did things to my brain. Or my brain did things to it.

And because years ago I watched a show called Ask a Ninja and his greatest episodes, the omnibus, omniduece, and etc.

So I’m gonna rip through the suggestions list as fast and as snarkily, and that will finish week 2 of J:

• Jack-o-Lantern

Pumpkin or squash carved with funny or creepy face, filled with candles. Supposedly used to burn the fat of child killed via human sacrifice. No one know why.

• Jade

It’s a rock. Or a Chinese girl. If the first, use for spells. If the latter, pray she’s pretty, pray she isn’t going to kill you, and pray she’s gentle.

• Jasmine

Another rock. Or an Arab girl. If the first, also good for spells. If the latter, probably hot, probably loves a street urchin who controls a genie that may or may not sound like Robin Williams. Run.

• Jasper

Again, I think it’s a rock. Or a wood. Possibly a dude. Sounds funky, could be cool. Not to be confused with Casper, ghost or otherwise.

• Jera

It’s a rune. Really powerful. Often happy. Means harvest. Pray for a good one.

• Jet

Stone, again. Also a dude. Was in a little series called Avatar the Last Airbender. Cool, kind of a dick. Tried to blow up a damn and drown a town. He succeeded. Tried to prove Zuko was a fire bender. Failed. Got brainwashed. Died. Never saw the body.

• Jewelry

Often pretty, often expensive. Can sometimes get you out of trouble. Sometimes gets you into trouble. My lover make it. Good for focusing energy if you get the right kind. Also comes in Cracker Jack boxes. Do not get your engagement ring from a Cracker Jack box.

• Jinxing

A form of Hexing. Lays out a curse on someone, brings bad luck. Also, the act of being Jinks, a pink haired witch from Teen Titans. She has chemistry with Cyborb. Evil chemistry. Ends up dating Kid Flash. Sorry for spoilers. You have only yourself to blame.

• Joan of Arc

Christian French girl. Thought she talked to God. Maybe she did. Maybe he talked back. Led the French for a Win. Burned for being a witch. Liked to wear pants, no idea if she had the ass for it. Feminists love her, English not so much. No idea why she’s on a list about Pagans.

• Job’s Tears

Haven’t got a freaking clue. Maybe they were collected when God kicked Job in the balls to prove how loyal he was while Satan went WTF? Oo

• Journey Work

Working the journey. Duh. Because most journeys aren’t free. You gotta pay for them.

• Judgement

I haz it. I think. People like using it. People don’t like it being used on them.

• Juniper

A nice witch over at Walking the Hedge. Hopefully she never hexes me.

• Jupiter (planet)

Planet. Made of gas. Probably smells like crap. Reacts to tin in alchemy.

• Justice

An illusion, probably doesn’t exist anymore. Will not be found in the courts of law. Or with people screaming for Social Justice.

• Juju

A kind of gummy candy. Or magic. Or magic gummy candy. Do not confuse with spice drops. Which I did once. It wasn’t fun.

• Julbuck

Again, no idea. Is this supposed to be like the Yule Goat? Or is it kinda like money?

You know what, screw this, I’m out. Peace Bitches!

-flies off in an explosion-