Did you know the moment I knew what love was in a dream? For a few brief moments, I knew what it was like to be perfectly loved by someone who understood me.
Then I got woken up.
I’ll be honest, I may have cried. I certainly begged for it to come back. Years of loss, of abuse, of not having someone who loved me be there or having them turn their back on me, well, it leaves scars. That feeling of being loved, especially when it came during one of the darkest parts of my life, well, it was nice.
Last night I dreamed I was dumped twice. The first dream was by the ex who left me/I lost. I’d been with her for pretty much five years, broke up for a year or so, and got back together. Got broken up again by the man I thought was my best friend and brother. I gave her my heart years ago, I think part of it will always want her, even though she’s cast it aside twice. The other was the story of someone else…but it was painful anyways.
The only other lover I’ve had who I loved right along side my ex came to me to say good by in a dream the night she died. She’d been…lost…for a while. I was down in FL visiting my grandmother and my love came to me in a dream to say goodbye. I remember begging her to tell me why, why she left me, but she just smiled and went away.
Some dreams do not need interpretations. Some dreams have a meaning so real and so painful there can be no interpretation. Love, loss, and feeling them in far more real ways sometimes than we do when we’re awake. Sometimes the only reason we know we’re dreaming is because the dreams change, but our waking world is always the same. It’s just that sometimes…we just can’t escape the pain of living by dreaming.
Dreams aren’t supposed to allow us to escape the pain of living – they are supposed to help us process the pain we refuse to face during our waking hours. I’ve never had a dream that was not an echo of the pain of living – our subconscious will deal with what we refuse to deal with consciously, at least as much as it is able. That, at least, is my take on dreams. Take it as you will. 🙂
*Hug* That is incredibly sad. I hope you find someone who will love you and stay by your side forever.