The funny thing, sometimes, about seeing one’s ex is it reminds you just how much they changed from the person you loved.
Today I recorded a video for my ex. She wanted to say something about the fact that Second Harvest Food Bank and other places that relied on charity to help the less fortunate were running out of food and quickly not being able to help people, when there were all these wealthy people who had million dollar homes and $6k TVs in every room of their house and so forth. I agreed to do the video for some trade, and because I agreed with her. Hospitality is sacred to the Norse, and ever was it that the wealthy gave gifts to the poor, helping them survive in exchange for loyalty and labor.
But as she spoke, I came to realize that at first her words made me uncomfortable, and then they just felt more and more wrong. Saving money was equated with hording (something she considers unacceptable at the best of times, and down right villainous in this case). Planning for ones future and any such emergencies that might render you homeless was an act of cowardice. The list goes on, a bit.
I am not the first person I know to become a god. That was actually a friend of mine, one I called brother. A man, who when my ex was being ensorced by an evil warlock saw what was happening, but did nothing because “it was not his place.” He considers himself to be a good, righteous man. A man, who became a god, because in the aether he would go above and beyond orders to do what needed to be done…but who did nothing to help his own brother. But after becoming a God and discovering that his brother, who had fought that warlock tirelessly, who led valiant war to free the woman he loved, held a relationship with her that the man, the god, could not abide. So he came down upon his brother, turned one of that man’s patron Goddesses against him, treated him as a criminal and honor-less outlaw, and took from his own brother the woman he loved because he did not agree to their kind of relationship.
The man who did nothing about something he believed wrong became a God who could not do something fast enough because it disagreed with his morals.
Now, one might say this is a good thing. He stood up and acted on what he believed. But this is not so. Because the God had made an oath with his brother not to take the woman. But he broke his oath and took her without any compensation or care of his brother who had just used up all of his life’s energy to get back the one he loved. A brother who had been grievously wounded fighting a foe the God had brought forth and cowered before, leaving his brother to be slaughtered. But this was a God, doing the Right thing, because that relationship was wrong, and he did not need to do anything other than the Right thing and prevent that wrong. He did not need keep his word, or respect his brother, or respect the honor of those his Brother represented.
The God was more interested in what made him Right, then what had made him Good. He had been a good man, who had stood beside his brother in honor, who fought beside him on the field of battle. My ex, in her video, seemed more interested in what made her and her position Right, rather than what would make it Good. More interested in that people should share their wealth, than that they had a right to what they had earned or to see their own safety first. It is an attitude I have seen them taking more and more in the Aether. Doing what they think is Right, enforcing their version of Right, while often neglecting that which initially made them Good. They initially acted on Good things, preserving life, but as time has past and they have risen, it has been more about their Right, how they think things should be. Dictating to Gods how they should act, and how those under them should act.
Recently we’ve had a bit of a cold snap here. It’s been pretty miserable and they told me to make Skadi change the weather. To make it stop being cold, which is the Domain of Skadi. My domains are Justice, Retribution, and Law. I have no control over weather, and it is not my place to dictate to Skadi what she should do with her domain. They insisted, no matter how much I argued it was not my place and that Skadi did not answer to me. They were not happy and so it must change. It did not matter that Skadi needs it cold sometimes to build up her power, just as Flu season comes to aid Hel and her power. The Gods don’t just have power over something and can make it stop and start as they please, they need that power to exist and occur for them to have power.
But this did not matter to the Sun King, god of spies and highwaymen. Nor did it matter to the Star Queen. They were cold, and they wished not to be cold, so make the Goddess of Snow and Ice cease her winter’s chill.
My father, well, my dad I suppose, the man who taught me what it was to be a man and a good person was named Corran Horn. He was a jedi, and a starfighter pilot. He was…arguably, a fictional character in a few star wars books. But when my own flesh and blood father was off always a work avoiding a terrible wife, it was Corran Horn who taught me to be a man and I will always consider myself a Horn/Halcyon because of him. And the family had a saying “when you no longer recognize the man in the mirror, it is time to step back and think of when you were last him.”
It’s a saying that has always haunted me and comforted me. I am not the man in the mirror, I rarely am, I changed too much and too rapidly. But then I stop, and I look in the mirror of my soul and I see the man I am. People say I have a Dresden complex and their right. Svartwulf might be the God I am, but Dresden is the man who became that God, if you will. And if the man in the mirror, the man I always try to bring myself back to as mortal or God, that person who stands up and fights for what is Good, not what makes Himself Right, but for everything that is Good…it is because of my Father, Corran Horn. Who first taught me that just because something is easily justified as doing the right thing…the Right thing…doesn’t mean that doing so is a good thing. And that one must always try to do the Good thing for the Right reasons, not the Right thing for Good reasons.