So we’re continuing Todd Nickerson’s Salon.com article “I’m a Pedophile but Not a Monster“ today. Yesterday I got through his “eureka” moment of discovering he was a pedo, plus all the hard stuff life through at him and the “I’m a good person because I don’t give into my attractions.”
Now I did say I was going to try and go through the whole thing, but I’m actually going to skip the next part, “He Touched Me.” Mainly because it details the time he was molested as a child. I’ve read it. I don’t want to read it again. I don’t want to be cruel to the pain of his molestation with the snark it would require me to make it through that part again. It wasn’t Todd’s fault, and even though he uses it as a justification of why he is a pedophile…I’m not doing it. Sorry, not happening. You can read it yourself.
So I will skip ahead back to the stuff I can deal with. Well, maybe not deal with. Fuck I need more booze for this.
It’s easy to assume that pedophilia is always the result of some early sexualization or abuse, and certainly there seems to be a connection in some cases. However, evidence suggests there’s no magic bullet that pedophilia can be traced back to. For every pedophile who was sexually abused as a child there’s another who wasn’t. Likewise, most abuse victims never manifest pedophilic desires. Some researchers surmise that pedophilia can be traced back to genetics. Others believe the cause is congenital, and still others that it’s environmental. Personally, I think the ultimate cause is likely some combination of those, and that it varies from person to person.
“I can’t help who I’m attracted to, I was born this way.”
Will the gifts of the gay community never cease. Frankly, though, I suspect a large part of the Gay community has to cringe at hearing that line come from a pedo. I’m not saying he’s wrong, I too have read this science and he does seem to present it fairly accurately. It’s about his sexuality, so I would hope that he would know it.
Whatever the truth is, though, I’m not sure it really works for a justification. And yes, this takes us into murky areas about how do you justify a sexuality and what kinds should and shouldn’t be permitted, and how can you allow some and not others. And these are arguments we’re going to have to have a a society, because this is the first step in making pedophilia acceptable and legal. And if you think that’s impossible, remember just 10 years ago we thought gay marriage was an impossible reality.
If pedos cannot help who they are, if they are “born that way” then is it not their human right to have the ability to seek their sexual and emotional gratification? After all, it certainly turned out that way for gay people, largely because they were “born that way.” And I’m not trying to be homophobic here. The argument was certainly valid in their case. And being valid in the case of the gay community…how are we going to argue it is not for the pedo community?
Another issue is the role feelings of inadequacy play in forming our sexuality. Pedophilia may not arise from such fears (otherwise there’d be a lot more pedophiles), but those fears can certainly reinforce it. I think it’s safe to say that many pedophiles have deep-seated feelings of inferiority in one way or another, or at least we did when our sexuality was forming, and this becomes a downward spiral during puberty and beyond. Anything can be the trigger of this: disabilities, weight issues, or just general feelings of unattractiveness to peers. These feelings can be influential on one’s developing sexuality, such that even the severe cultural taboo is not enough to override it. Indeed, the taboo itself can negatively influence these vulnerable children.
You know the first thing that popped into my head reading this?
“Pity the Gelth. Pity us!”
I’m refering to an episode of Doctor Who, in which the 9th Doctor teams up with Charles Dickens in an episode called “The Unquiet Dead.” The cause of the rising slain is a race called the Gelth, beings of pure spirit/aether who are rapidly dying due to the after effects of a massive war. Their only hope is to come to earth and use the bodies of dead humans to survive. Initially, this seems like a good and merciful thing. The Gelth cannot help what has happened to them. It is not their fault. Do they not deserve mercy and life the same as any other species? So pity them, pity the Gelth.
But then it turns out that they wish to invade, to take the bodies of the dead, and slaughter the living.
And this whole thing reminds me of that episode. Because that’s how this will god. “Pity the pedos, pity us, it is not our fault, pity the pedos.” And some will look upon them and think that they do deserve pity, for who would want to live such a horrible existence so hated by society. And so they will be pitied, and then they will be given aid, and protections, until finally, one day…”pity us, why can we not have the ones we love? pity the pedoes, pity us, you get to be with the ones you want, why not us, why not us poor pedoes. Pity the pedos, pity us.”
At which point…well. You have two options. Give them what they want, or annihilate them.
I recall an event from when I was 11, sitting in the family jeep with my dad and his friend Andy when a news piece on the radio reported the sexual abuse of a girl, to which my dad said to his friend something like, “They should take people like that and place weights on top of their genitals until they smash.” Pretty horrific imagery for an 11-year-old to process, and I couldn’t help but sympathize with the abuser. After all, I could recall my own molestation perfectly, and I hardly felt it warranted that kind of response.
Given that Todd links his molestation to his own present pedophilia…I’d say it really did warrant this kind of response. Also, I get that Todd was 11 here, but the sheer lunacy of assuming that this girl’s molestation, or that most molestation, for that matter were not that bad because his had not been that bad.
That would be like me sympathizing with the Muslim pedo rape gang in Rotherham, UK because, shit, I’d like to get laid more often and hey, squirrels and nutz, it’s not that bad.
Except, oh wait, yeah, IT WAS THAT FUCKING BAD! Now sure, this might be one girl verses the 1200 in Rotherham, but molesting and raping underaged children is inherently harmful to those kids, regardless of quantity or if you don’t think you experience on the receiving end was that bad!
Now I get it, Todd was an 11 year old idiot, but present day Todd really should know better.
The bile has only multiplied since then, and I believe all that hatred just serves to reinforce pedophilia in youngsters predisposed to it. It’s a form of cognitive bias called the Backfire Effect or polarization. Everyone does this to some extent. When challenged on deeply held beliefs, no matter how uncertain or incorrect they may be, we tend to dig in our heels. With sexuality, that effect is likely magnified because there’s a physiological component, a drive every bit as powerful as belief. In essence, your brain knows what it likes and isn’t going to take no for an answer. For that reason, the nature or nurture question with respect to sexual preference is ultimately irrelevant—it becomes all but hardwired soon enough, until it’s all you know. And it’s self-reinforcing, no matter how much you wish to dig it out. Eventually it all tangles together with the rest of who you are.
Actually, I’m pretty sure the level of bile towards pedos has stayed the same. Also, I’m not sure how many “youngsters” are predisposed towards pedophilia. I mean, within certain age ranges, it’s pretty normal. Frankly, I think anything within a five year age gap is pretty normal, but even I’m wiling to be flexible on that. Sure an 17 year old with a thing for 7 year old should probably get check out, but what age ranges are we talking about here?
Frankly, this nebulousness concerns me. Are we now going to go around telling 11 year olds they’re pedos because they might find a 7 year old cute? Frankly, I consider this an unwise course of action, but with Todd not setting anything except his own personal examples and refusing to really admit ages at any major point, that is kind of what I’m left with. In which case, it seems more like he’s trying to make more pedoes, and then saying we’re the ones doing that because we vilify pedophilia.
Except that his argument falls apart. Sure, we tend to dig in our heels when challenged. Except that society and people have ways of dealing with that. Frankly, I think it should be perfectly acceptable to kill pedos, but everyone will note that despite my deeply dug heels I am not under arrest for any murdered pedoes. Or their desecrated corpses. Or another of things related to horrifically torturing, dismembering, and then displaying said workings. Because society has said that doing that stuff is wrong, and Hel keeps insisting I obey such rules.
I swear I’m the only person to hear voices in my head that tell me not to kill people. I love subverting expectations.
As for one’s brain knowing what it likes and hard wiring it in with no chance of changing or choice…I call bullshit. There are lots of things I liked as a kid I do not enjoy now. There are lots of things I didn’t like that I am now finding I enjoy. Heck, my sexual interests have changed over the years greatly. Some, because I chose to, even. Now, admittedly, I do seem to be a bit more mutable than most people, but still, I give people the belief that they can make themselves what they want to be.
We’ll continue in Part 3