Warning, the sarcasm is strong in this one

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So word reached me that in a recent discussion of botany, I got brought up as part of the conversation. Sadly, the thing was deleted before I could get to it and get screen caps. If anyone managed to, please send them over because I wanna see this.

Still, apparently it was mentioned that I was a racist and a Nazi. Because of course I am. I mean, I worship the Norse Gods like any good Heathen/Viking, and as we all know, all Norse/Viking peoples are obviously racist Nazis.

But let’s be honest here…why wouldn’t you be a Nazi? I mean, sure, you join any ideology with mass murdering dictators like Stalin, Mao, Castro. Certainly, if we’re going by kill counts, their dicks are big, black, and veiny with their hundreds of millions killed for the sake of Communism. As opposed to Hitler, with his small, white dick of only twelve million.

But as any honest woman will tell you, the guys with big dicks rely on those big dicks for their love making. It’s the guys with smaller dicks who make love with compassion. And really, if you’re going to swear yourself to a maniacal bloodthirsty dictator, do you want to swear yourself to one who kills his people for the sake of his own power…or one who kills the privileged exploiters who profit from the suffering of his people, and try to look out for the little German?

Really, if I’m going to swear myself to a blood thirsty, totalitarian ideology, I want one that’s going to care about me as a person of Germanic heritage. And try to keep the body counts low, actually care enough to keep records of who is killed, and even goes that extra step to be environmentally friendly and try to use all the parts of the people they kill.

Or you could go with guys like Stalin who just slaughter everyone, barely even bury them, and don’t even bother to record their identities. I mean, that’s cool too, I guess. If you don’t want to respect human life.

Plus, let’s be honest, the Nazi Party has style, and sex appeal. Why, almost any man can be made dashing and handsome in an SS uniform. And let’s be honest, nothing’s sexier than an economy that provides jobs and a high standard of living for it’s people. After all, if you’re going to have to commit mass murder, you might as well do it well dressed and well paid. Not like those Commies who have holes in their boots and didn’t even get this week’s vodka rations. Not to mention, the women of the Nazi party are amazing!

i mean, let’s be honest. Would you rather hook up with a beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed girl who wants to have your babies for the fatherland, or with the omnigendered obese creatures the Communists insist are stunning and brave (just remember, do not call them women, for that is sexist and misgenders them).

Well I for one know that with my Nazi Racism, Sexism is an obvious addition to my glorious lifestyle and I shall choose the beautiful woman who wants to have my babies…not the thing which wants my berries in a cage.

For Viking Babies are pleasing to the Goddesses, over which they love to coo and recite prophecies of mighty deeds that will be told of in sagas for thousands of years. Frankly, that’s a much better option in my view than being sent off of to the gulag for daring to desire a successful future and nation for my potential children. Because I’m a nazi shit head, who wants his children to have privileges, not be told to check them.

And let us not forget the beauty of Nazi art and music!

So let’s run this down.

I get to keep and honor my heritage.

I get a loving and kind leader who cares about his people and the people he has to kill.

I get a beautiful wife who loves me and give me many fine children.

I get to dress in snazzy clothes.

And I don’t have to deal with bloody Communists trying to destroy society or Muslims raping children!

Really, everyone, there’s only one choice!

 

Hela Bless

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P.s. All jokes aside, I wonder when Rhyd or anyone else over at Gods & Radicals is going to write something about what happened in Orlando…