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Ladies and gentlemen, I am a dick.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have never lied about being a dick, but today I’m just going to give over to my gleeful dickery and just dick my heart out. Because, well, I can’t help myself. Today’s post I’m going to be responding to is just so…so priceless. It’s like if a tumblr hugbox got together with that ice cream shitting unicorn and made sweet, glittery love everywhere.

09-125009-squatty_potty_rainbow_pooping_unicorn_commercialI am not joking. Reading it, my sides have died and gone to Valhalla. It is Top Kek here. So let’s look at what an absolutely ignorant voter, and emotionally invested, person looks like after the God Emperor won, with Heron Mitchelle’s Blue Witch in a Red State: Election Horror and the Advice of Wizards

We’ve awoken into the nightmarish landscape where Donald Trump is the president elect, and both the house and senate of the United States of America have a Republican majority; our system of checks and balances just got tilted into the easy favor of a narcissistic mad-man, and it happened with the enthusiastic support of a majority of her most heavily-armed citizens. That is the trifecta of fucked, if you are someone like me…if you are all the people I love…all the people of diverse culture, ideology, lifestyle, and color that I serve. I stand agape and weeping for us all.

rick-astelyHonestly, I don’t even think she’s aware of her own bigotry at this point. “Oh no, my ideological enemies won a fair and just election where everyone got to vote! Horror, Horror and woe upon us all!!!!!”

I know, you might actually have to tolerate a culture, ideology, lifestyle and even Race that you find mentally abhorrent. I mean, screw having some diversity in our society, those mother fuckers are different from you and that’s horrible. The absolute, gut wrenching agony of being faced with the fact that the majority in your country is tired of the corrupt, elitist politicians who have literally been working to erase this “abhorrent” culture and its people while giving you everything you wanted at the cost of that “deplorable” group of people, and decided to smack them one in the gob.

Maybe, instead of weeping for all the people you loved, you should have had some care and compassion for the people you didn’t love.

Or you could keep calling them a bunch of deplorable, racist, sexism, bigoted degenerates. I mean, not like there’s a learning experience anywhere in here.

What would Gandalf, Yoda or Dumbledore do?

Does anyone else feel like we are in the opening chapters of an epic sci-fi/fantasy series about the war between the forces of Darkness and Light, or as I prefer to categorize it, the Baneful and the Beneficial? You know, a beloved mythological tale, where the plucky minority of “little guys” in defense of sovereignty, compassion and generosity will be forced to go to war against hoards of monsters, or defeat Emperors or Dark Wizards, destroy horcruxes or rings or deathstars, and spend their youth trudging through a wasteland to defeat the dread forces of fearful, power-hungry greed?

Actually, yes, yes we do. And let me tell you, victory is the sweetest wine I have tasted in a very, very long time. I mean, if you had asked me on Nov 7th if it was conceivable that a man who is literally hated by every part of the establishment on both sides of the political isle could sweep the gods damned presidential election through sheer force of the people’s will alone? There was only one response I could give you:

inconceivableAnd yet, here we are. Frodo dropped the ring in the lava. Neville stabbed the snake. Gondor called for aid and Rohan answered.

We took back the sovereignty of our nation. We have shown compassion for our people long abandoned by the elites and given them back their voices. We have the chance to restore the generosity of our country by allow it’s people once more a chance to achieve their dreams, and not let them just be memes.

Yeah, we know how it feels.

This morning I am sick with worry for us all, even the Trump supporters. As much as I’d like to sic the flying monkeys onto all their sorry asses, that won’t help anyone because the ego-maniacal buffoon they just voted into office will soon have the nuclear launch codes and the might of our armed forces at his command–and we all know that there isn’t anywhere on Earth that is safe. Pity. It must suck to be that weak and vulnerable, but so blinded by fear and ignorance you can’t even see the harbinger of doom standing on our front lawn.

Well, given the alternative was a woman so ego-maniacal she rigged a primary, labeled a cartoon frog as a symbol of white supremacy, and has repeatedly threatened Russia with armed retaliation for things Russia never did, including threatening them with nuclear warfare…

pepe-happySee, this is what I mean when I say Heron is an ignorant voter. All she knows is that “Trump is evil” and apparently has no knowledge that Hillary was so aggressively pro war that Putin was recalling all Russian students, drilling his people for nuclear attacks, and prepping the Russian military to go to war.

You know what happened when Trump’s win was announced? The Russians celebrated in the streets, because they view him as the “candidate of peace.” To them, not only is Trump not the guy so unstable he’ll launch nukes at them, he’s the guy who is finally going to be willing to work with Russia to bring peace to the middle east and maybe even the world.

And Trump’s plan for the military? Either the nations we’re presently defending for free pony up the funds they are lawfully required to give us by treaty, or he shuts down military bases and deployments in those areas and bring them home to defend us. Everyone who has been complaining about “American Imperialism” is literally about to get what they want. America refusing to be the Military Power for the world. And he’s planning on taking all those extra funds? If my learning is correct, it’s going to go to paying soldiers better, getting them better equipment, and taking care of veterans.

Hillary’s plan was #DraftOurDaughters, because it’s time for gender equality as we march off to beat those Russian Misogynists.

That baneful force of fear, hatred and woe, of restriction, rejection and regression into tyranny, isn’t just standing on the White House lawn, nay…it is right there seething on the front lawn of humanity. We are all in this together; the “interconnected web of existence” we pagans like to speak about is shuddering just now; some threads are thrilled, others are raging, some are crying in disbelief from what might seem like the safe distance of other countries, but none of us on Mother Earth can elude the consequences of last night’s actions.

Yeah, and it nearly won the white house. But it was democracy, not tyranny, that won the election. It was the people’s champion, Trump, who is now president elect. Not the candidate of the corporate and political elites who have for so long been building a tyranny in our nation.

And the consequences are going to ripple. People stood up towards regressive ideals that have been shoved on us in the name of Progress: sexism, racism, bigotry. Oh, I’m sure Heron is confused by what I mean, but it’s true. The entire Hillary campaign was all about demonizing people for their race, their gender, their orientation. IT was about shaming them for being born what they were, and that the only way to make the country better was for them to either act against themselves, of for them to be wiped out of this country and never given a voice in its politics again.

And the people stood up to that hatred, that regression, that restriction and they rejected it.

trump god emp

I awoke this morning at 6:00, needing to bustle my children off to their schools, as if getting to jazz band practice on time was just as important today as it was yesterday. I checked the election results before my feet hit the floor, and was so shocked that I inadvertently woke them with my sobs. My 12 year old son wrapped his sweet arms around me, saying “It will be alright, Mom. I love you.”


top-kek-the-movie_o_3660643The only way this could have been better is if he whispered in her ear: “We’re going to make America great again.”

Seriously, what is it with people trotting out their children with these horrifically adorable stories of love, tears, and terror? I mean, the Hel have you been doing to your kids, folks.

Still, just look at the entitlement here. Crying because the Corrupt Lady lost. Now, she’s not snatching up a go bag. She’s not racing her children to Canada (why not Mexico, guys?), she’s not committing ritual suicide with her family because of the dread horrors that lie ahead. She’s…not doing any of that. She’s crying because her candidate lost, and the other guy won. How literally privileged does your life have to be, at this point?

Seriously, it’s like the other article I went over by those witches who literally admitted they were going to be perfectly fine for the next four years regardless of Trump and the Republicans owning the government. Heron isn’t erasing her blog for fear of being harassed out of her job. She’s not jerking her kids out of school for fear they’d be beaten up. All she’s apparently did was have herself a good, self entitled cry so loudly she woke up her kids.

Must be awesome to be that blessed in life.

I know that worry is a waste of energy, but for a trained magickian, it can also be dangerous, so we need to get a grip. Worry feeds your energies into the baneful side of the equation–it puts all your thoughts and empowerment into reinforcing the problem, rather than creating a solution. A fellow witch in our coven posted this on her facebook feed first thing this morning, and she’s right:

Now is the time to put your time and resources into supporting the causes and people you stand for and believe in….I personally feel better when I am actively working toward the betterment of myself and my community rather than feeling impotent and powerless in the face of the election results.” ~JoyLeaf

Look at how mother fucking blessed these people are.

You know what my reality was going to look like had Hillary won? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Deleting everything of myself off the internet as best I could. Getting rid of everything I owned. Probably quitting my job. And possibly even leaving my friends and family behind, because I knew squads of Progressives, SJWs, and other Hillary supporters were going to have carte blanch to go after the “deplorables” who supported Trump and make sure they were too scared to ever protest their lot again.

It was going to be open season on every “racist,” “sexist,” “homophobic,” “bigot” out there, from doxing and harrasing, to getting them fired, to beating them down in the streets. Because all that shit was happening before and during the election and I and a lot of people knew that after the election it was going to be a giant green light to step it up. “Woe to the conquered” would be the order of the day, with all the proverbial, and probably some literal, raping, pillaging, and salting of the earth.

What does Heron have to face? Well…none of that, apparently. In fact, it looks like everything is going to go on as usual and all that community work isn’t going to face the slightest hickup. She’ll just have a bit more “motivation” at the end of the day.

Which made me think of this Gandalf quote:

“Some Believe it is only Great Power that Can Hold Evil in Check.  But That is Not What I have Found.  I Have Found That it is the Small Everyday Deeds of Ordinary Folk that Keep the Dark Forces at Bay.  Small Acts of Kindness and Love.” Gandalf, Lord of the Rings

What, like millions of tiny people going into crapped voting places, desperately hoping that the machine was not going to switch their vote  due to inlaid programs meant to secure the election for the most corrupt politician in the history of US elections? Like Millions of tiny people, placing their mad hopes with a mad man powered by mad meme magic?

Like all those little people managing to do the impossible, and break the power of the system? To restore, if only for a moment, if only for an election, the power of their democracy? To hold in check the evils of a systemic ideology that has consistently left them poorer, disenfranchised, discriminated against, and hated simply because of their race, their gender, their sexual orientation, or their creed?

You mean like that?


Will Public Witchery be Re-closeted?

I am as public a witch as you can be in North Carolina–an indigo-blue dot in a blood-red state in the Deep South, the old Confederacy they now call the Bible Belt–and for the first time since I came out of the broom closet and opened a Witchcraft shop in plain sight downtown, I am legitimately afraid of persecution…

Well, you know what they say, live by the sword, die by the sword.

Honestly Heron, just how active have you been in advancing the causes of Social Justice? How much hatred and bigotry towards whites, straights, cis-gendered people have you done. Is it a lot? Then yeah, I wouldn’t be surpised if you faced some persecution…because in that case you’ve made a name for yourself as a massive bigot who attacked people. Oh sure, you might have done it for “noble motives” but at the end of the day you would still have been violent to people.

And now you’re scared you might receive what you gave? That there might be consequences to your actions? Top. Fucking. Kek.

scientology-tom-cruise-laughingLook, if you’ve been a decent person, you’ve probably got nothing to fear from the people in your area. Trump literally doesn’t care about anyone religion from what I can tell. Most of the people who pushed for him to win…really doln’t either, beyond wanting to be allowed to practice their religion without molestation. You know, that thing promised in our Constitution and which has been rapidly violated time and again over the last several years?

…One of my super-powers is self-delusion, and it hadn’t truly sunk in that a man of his ill-repute might actually be handed the keys to the oval office…until around 9:00 election night. As the map was painted in red state by state, I am ashamed to say that for a hot minute of panic, I felt like a fool for having lived so defiantly among my conservative neighbors. Would my Witchery threaten the security of my innocent children?

Well, at least she admits to being delusional.

Maybe if she looked at things objectively, rather than with delusions and emotional thinking, she might realize that a) she’s not as fucked over as she thinks she is and b) all the people she’s crying about actually have been royally fucked over for decades now.

But again, if you haven’t been a dick to your fellows, they’re probably not going to be a dick to you. That being said, I’m getting impressions of great dickery by Heron here, who probably has not only lived openly as a Witch, and run a Witch store, but has likely been very vocal in her SocJus views and made no secret of the fact she probably hates her white, cis, Christian neighbors and views them as nothing but Racist Bigots who need to Go and Die.

I mean, if she’s anything like most of the SocJus people I’ve known or seen.

thinking irony

I looked over to see them doing their homework, and playing video games, planning whatever antics that freshman in high school get up to these days through text-messages. This MamaHeron caught a whiff of danger and went into survival mode like an animal. The rainbow tableau I’d created around them of religious diversity, and unflinching support of all our friends living on the fringes of Southern Society, suddenly flinched. Shadows clinched down around me, adrenaline released in a fight or flight response and for the first time in my long life of being embarrassed about the ill-gotten privileges of my race, I had this thought:

At least they look like white people. Will our blond hair, fair skin and blue eyes save us long enough if we are ever forced to flee for our lives?  If witches have to go into hiding once more, I could teach them how to fake being protestant…if I had to…

cena-laughingTop. Mother. Fucking. Kek.

Shit no lady, the Pepe Death Squads already have your picture and are being deployed as we speak. I hear them now:

Your sons shall be sent to the Meme Mines so that we might dine on the Dankest of Rare Pepes. Your daughters shall be made housewives to bring forth the next generation of MAGAns. You shall be sent to the camps with all your SJW friends, where you shall be sent to the Kek Champers.


Shame…an Explanation to my Children

As soon as the thought passed, I was so filled with shame and nausea that the look on my face, and the mushroom-cloud of horror emanating from me with a stricken moan of “Oh gods…” caused my empathic children to turn, rise and move toward me in unison. “What’s wrong?!? What Happened?!?”

Oh, nothing much kids. Your mentally unstable mom just realizes she’s a racist piece of shit who has spent her long life hating people, but in her moment of direst need was going to rely on pretending to be everything she hated so that she could “save her family.”

my-sidesYFW you find the face of ultimate hate and bigotry, only to realize you were looking in a mirror. I praise Kek that I have lived to see this day.

Shame is also a waste of energy. Rather than hide my selfish thoughts, I chose to confess them, talk through it and what it meant–how much I loved them, and how they could rest assured that no matter who won the election, their parents would take good care of them…that worry wouldn’t help, nor would anger, nor would returning any sort of hatefulness.

Actually, I would say that in this case Shame would have been a very good use of your energy. It might well have allowed you to empathize with the other side, recognize their humanity, maybe reach some common ground so you could appoligize for being a racist, bigoted asshole to them…

Or you could double down. I suppose that’s an option.

Frankly, I would love to talk to these kids and get their reaction to their SJW mother openly admitting that she would betray everything she stands for and give into outright racism in an attempt to protect her children by “embracing whiteness” of whatever it is they’ve been taught to call it. Like “Okay kids, I know I told you that White Christians were Literally Hitler, but we’re gonna go be Nazis now!


My son said something like, “Hitler Junior might be our next president.” So, we talked about our German heritage, and the history of Germany during the world wars; how it was the choice of many people there to use their Christian privilege to undermine the fascist regime by staying there within the system, yet clandestinely helping their Jewish neighbors to survive or escape, in thousands of sneaky and defiant ways. He is twelve and already has astute political insights. I feel confident that his efforts will lead us into a responsible future, but I’m still so sorry that his formative years will be influenced by this bullshit.

laughing stopThat’s it, my sides have died and gone to Valhalla. I…I can’t handle the Keks. It’s too much!!!!

I mean, what can I even say to this? It’s….it’s so stereotypical and perfect and hilarious. Fucking Hel this kid cannot be real! I swear, it’s gotta have a secret life on /pol/ or something at this point because I can’t believe how perfectly this kid is just playing into his mother’s delusional mental shit. She’s literally admitted to being a damn racist and now she’s trying to talk her way through justifying by saying “we’ll do the good things in secret. I’m like Schindler or something! I’ll be a hero!!”

Fucking Hel, I can’t wait till this kid comes home one day with a girl and comes out to his parents as a straight hetero who believes in traditional gender roles and whose wife wants to be a stay at home mother because career women are bitter ugly hags. XD

Heck, maybe he’ll even be a member of the AFA.

My daughter cried because so many of her friends aren’t white people, aren’t straight or christian; so many of her classmates are Latino. In coming years will they be deported? Being brown-skinned just got a lot more dangerous. Yet a few of her white-skinned friends were blowing up their group-chats with support for Trump as if they have no idea what threat that holds for so many of the people they go to school with every day. She’s fourteen and cares so deeply for all of them.  I am so proud of her, yet a mother’s heart breaks for her children when they suffer.

pepe-wallI’m sorry, but I just can’t take this seriously anymore. I mean, Heron openly admits she’s delusional, so really, this is the best example of unreliable narrator ever.

“He’s going to deport all the brown people!!!!!”

Well, you wanted to disenfranchise all the white people. So I don’t really see what you’ve got to complain about. Heck, Heron and her family are apparently White Germans…but she keeps talking like they’re only “White passing” and seems to completely disregard the fact that she is a white person beyond some guilt for the “privileges of what she looks like.”

So we talked about the civil war, and the civil-rights movement, of how even though some people in the south owned slaves before the civil war, as did our distant ancestors, countless other people here used their white privilege to help African-Americans escape enslavement…


…As far back as I can trace my lineage down both sides in the US, we have been in Alabama, North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, Tennessee. These are all red states for Trump in this election, all members of the confederacy, all states that fought desegregation last century, and turn a blind eye to the KKK to this day. These have been battlefields where Love has been defeating Fear through thousands of little victories led by her responsible citizens, and they will eventually add up to win the war.

There were also all states that wanted their independence, who wanted the right to rule themselves, by their standards, and not be forced to obey the wishes of people who thought themselves “their betters.” They’re states that got themselves ravaged in war, and have watched their economies never really recover, who have watched themselves be betrayed by political parties, and who get to spend every day of every year being told what horrible, terrible, evil human beings they are.

By people like Heron.

And then she wonders why they went Trump. You know, the guy who told them they were good, honest, hardworking people who deserved a chance at happiness. To not be called the ultimate evil, but respected for obeying the laws and trying to make something of themselves? And she thinks her bigoted and hateful Love will win the war against their downtrodden and maligned Fear?

Top Kek.

Good folks like us, despite our ancestry, gender, skin color, or ideology, CHOOSE to stay and fight the good fight every-day, for the just treatment of our fellow human beings. None of these choices are safe, or easy, but they are right. These are the choices of the heroes for whom we sing praises in our mythologies, just like Harry Potter, just like Luke Skywalker, and Frodo Baggins.

slow clapI would like to applaud Heron for writing one of the most bigoted, racist, sexist, pieces of shit I have read in the last few days. Days which have been flooded with racist, sexist, bigotry.

And she wonders why Trump Won. She wonders why her daughter’s white friends are cheering. She wonders why her daughter cries.

Harry Potter was not a hero despite being straight.

Luke Skywalker was not a hero despite being white.

Frodo was not a hero despite being male.

They were heroes because of their deeds. Their race, gender, ancestry had nothing to do with them being heroes. Those things are not trials to overcome, they are not sins to be atoned. They are not evils that blight. And to claim that they are is the height of racism, sexism, and bigotry.

Would she say the same things of Son Goku? That he was a hero despite his ancestry? What about Mulan, despite her gender? Shaka Zulu, despite his skin color? Or would she recoil in horror at the idea of considering those things as obsticals to the journey of those heroes?

On the drive to school this morning, I reassured my children that they will be well cared for, no matter what it takes–even if that eventually means moving elsewhere. I am their MamaHeron first, and they can trust in the safety of my rookery. However, we can only proceed with dignity in this life, and with the same love and respectful behavior offered to others as we expect for ourselves, including our Trump-supporting friends and family. Though they can be sure that I will be outspoken in my disagreement with that hatefulness, and when history sorts it all out in the end, we must have been consistent in our unwavering defense of our progressive ideals–by walking our talk. We will use whatever privilege and powers we have in the support of those who may be persecuted by this incoming regime—even if that makes us unpopular for a time.

I’m sorry, what loving and respectful behaviors?

Seriously, this post is nothing but the racist, sexist, and bigoted ravings of a delusional woman who apparently has beaten into her children that they’re evil because of their ancestry, skin color, gender, and other things they can’t control, and have to spend their entire lives atoning for these “original sins.”

She’s teaching them to hate people because of their race, sex, gender, creed, and then dares to say “we need to show love and respect.” She has no love, no respect.

She thinks herself a Hero of Love…but the truth is there is nothing but hatred in her. Hatred for people because of their skin. Their race. Their gender. Their creed. She cloaks her bigotry in virtue, her hatred in righteousness, but at the end of the day….she’s outed herself. To her children, to her neighbors, and to us.

But it doesn’t matter. Her hatred, the power of that hatred, was given a harsh blow in this election. The people rose up and said: “No more of this hatred, this bigotry. We’re good, we don’t need to be sorry for what we are, and we’re not going to take your hatred today.”

Because Harambe is love. The God Emperor is hope. And Kek blesses us with his meme magic. And with these things, and the blessings of the Gods, we can restore to America that which made it Great…it’s people and their ability to achieve their dreams.



Hela Bless