I dedicate this post to Skadi, Goddess of the hunt, who rages against this age of dishonor.
So, for this Men’s Day Wednesday thing I supposedly have an outline. Okay, I have an outline. I don’t always stick to it. Actually, I think I’ve been pretty bad about sticking too it. I just keep running into things to talk about or share.
Like this story I came across. A woman posted on a site talking about how a friend of hers who is in her mid thirties finds that her bio-clock is ticking. She’s single, no significant other, and no kids. A woman who I suspect has dedicated her entire life to the feminist dream of career, and suddenly finds herself faced with the feminine dream of motherhood.
These dreams rarely come together well. 😛
What this woman does have is a, well, F*** Buddy, who as of late, has been lax in his use of contraception, preferring to “pull out” as the expression goes. The dude has stated to this woman he doesn’t want kids, and his planning on moving to the other side of the country. Neither of them plan on talking after his move.
This woman, apparently told her friend, that she’s thinking of screwing the guy, and then when he leaves for the restroom, to take up his seed and place it in herself in the hopes of becoming pregnant. The OP (original poster) was asking people’s opinions on this action and what to do.
Thank the Gods, there were people of character and honor, who spoke with clear outrage against this plan. Many were upset over the fact that the woman would be denying him a life with his child, others (myself included) accounted it as equal to rape and theft, noting that regardless of this woman’s plan to never call upon the man for financial support, under our current legal system, the man can be forced to pay child support by the mother, child, or state, regardless of the fact that he did not consent to being made a father.
Of course, there were those who took the opposite view. They felt that if the woman wanted a child this way, it was perfectly acceptable. Even laudable. After all “semen is cheap” as one put it (a rather snarky response was that there are over 3 billion women, does that make them cheap?). Who cares about male consent? It’s what the woman wants and clearly if he didn’t want to have a kid he’d stick with a condom, rather than going raw.
A sad irony of the situation is that the OP, who had initially been against her friend’s potential plan, started siding with said friend after seeing everyone declare it to be the height of immorality and an absolute betrayal of trust, and recommendations that said woman seek professional counseling. No joke. She actually said she was starting to side with the other woman on her plan of theft and forced parenthood because people protested.
It is the height of irony that we consider it an issue worth fighting over that a woman never be forced to carry a child for nine months out of her life, yet it is not an issue to force a man to support a child he doesn’t want for 18 years of his life. Indeed, it is often considered praise worthy to make the man pay out, regardless of his level of consent in fathering the kid. In a world where people yammer on that “abstinence doesn’t work” and that “men can’t say no to a pretty face and spread legs,” we still have an attitude that “if he didn’t want to pay, he should have kept it in his pants.” So the solution to the problem is abstinence…which supposedly doesn’t work…uh…
Which is it people?
A woman gets pregnant off a one night stand, she can go to a doctor and in the space of a few hours never have to worry about having the kid. For a few hundred bucks (which may or may not be covered by insurance, and in many a case is actually free, I think) she can terminate the life long commitment of a “mistake.” But there is no such option for men. As soon as she’s pregnant, he’s completely at her mercy. It doesn’t matter if he wants the child or doesn’t, legally he has no say. She can literally decide to kill the child, or make him pay child support for 18 years, regardless of any level of contact he gets to have with the kid. He can’t take the child from her, but she can take it from him. He can’t chose if she gets to be a parent, but she can chose if he is.
This seems dramatically unfair. It basically equates to wage slavery. Which i think is illegal. At least it was under traditional wage slavery things. We’ve outlawed slavery based on race, but apparently found a way to do it on gender.
But while this is certainly related to the above (especially if she gets pregnant) that’s a bit down the line. Right now is the issues of betrayal of trust, theft of personal property, potential enslavement, and violation of reproductive rights. Certainly, if it was a man planning on stealing a woman’s eggs, or just plain impregnating her without consent, everyone would be up in arms against such a man. The only reason anyone supported this woman is because she is a woman, and we’ve been so blasted by the idea that when it comes to reproduction, men don’t matter.
We’re fifty percent of the cause, but beyond being atms, we’re all to often given no voice in the solution.
Women, I implore you to act with honor and respect to your lovers and their desires. Men, well. Take this as a warning. There are those who would only use you to there ends. Act with honor, and utmost caution.