Tags
child support, consent, disception, Goddesses, honor, Men, men's day wednesday, men's rights, News, reproductive rights, Skadi, theft, trust, wage slavery
I dedicate this post to Skadi, Goddess of the hunt, who rages against this age of dishonor.
So, for this Men’s Day Wednesday thing I supposedly have an outline. Okay, I have an outline. I don’t always stick to it. Actually, I think I’ve been pretty bad about sticking too it. I just keep running into things to talk about or share.
Like this story I came across. A woman posted on a site talking about how a friend of hers who is in her mid thirties finds that her bio-clock is ticking. She’s single, no significant other, and no kids. A woman who I suspect has dedicated her entire life to the feminist dream of career, and suddenly finds herself faced with the feminine dream of motherhood.
These dreams rarely come together well. 😛
What this woman does have is a, well, F*** Buddy, who as of late, has been lax in his use of contraception, preferring to “pull out” as the expression goes. The dude has stated to this woman he doesn’t want kids, and his planning on moving to the other side of the country. Neither of them plan on talking after his move.
This woman, apparently told her friend, that she’s thinking of screwing the guy, and then when he leaves for the restroom, to take up his seed and place it in herself in the hopes of becoming pregnant. The OP (original poster) was asking people’s opinions on this action and what to do.
Thank the Gods, there were people of character and honor, who spoke with clear outrage against this plan. Many were upset over the fact that the woman would be denying him a life with his child, others (myself included) accounted it as equal to rape and theft, noting that regardless of this woman’s plan to never call upon the man for financial support, under our current legal system, the man can be forced to pay child support by the mother, child, or state, regardless of the fact that he did not consent to being made a father.
Of course, there were those who took the opposite view. They felt that if the woman wanted a child this way, it was perfectly acceptable. Even laudable. After all “semen is cheap” as one put it (a rather snarky response was that there are over 3 billion women, does that make them cheap?). Who cares about male consent? It’s what the woman wants and clearly if he didn’t want to have a kid he’d stick with a condom, rather than going raw.
A sad irony of the situation is that the OP, who had initially been against her friend’s potential plan, started siding with said friend after seeing everyone declare it to be the height of immorality and an absolute betrayal of trust, and recommendations that said woman seek professional counseling. No joke. She actually said she was starting to side with the other woman on her plan of theft and forced parenthood because people protested.
It is the height of irony that we consider it an issue worth fighting over that a woman never be forced to carry a child for nine months out of her life, yet it is not an issue to force a man to support a child he doesn’t want for 18 years of his life. Indeed, it is often considered praise worthy to make the man pay out, regardless of his level of consent in fathering the kid. In a world where people yammer on that “abstinence doesn’t work” and that “men can’t say no to a pretty face and spread legs,” we still have an attitude that “if he didn’t want to pay, he should have kept it in his pants.” So the solution to the problem is abstinence…which supposedly doesn’t work…uh…
Which is it people?
A woman gets pregnant off a one night stand, she can go to a doctor and in the space of a few hours never have to worry about having the kid. For a few hundred bucks (which may or may not be covered by insurance, and in many a case is actually free, I think) she can terminate the life long commitment of a “mistake.” But there is no such option for men. As soon as she’s pregnant, he’s completely at her mercy. It doesn’t matter if he wants the child or doesn’t, legally he has no say. She can literally decide to kill the child, or make him pay child support for 18 years, regardless of any level of contact he gets to have with the kid. He can’t take the child from her, but she can take it from him. He can’t chose if she gets to be a parent, but she can chose if he is.
This seems dramatically unfair. It basically equates to wage slavery. Which i think is illegal. At least it was under traditional wage slavery things. We’ve outlawed slavery based on race, but apparently found a way to do it on gender.
But while this is certainly related to the above (especially if she gets pregnant) that’s a bit down the line. Right now is the issues of betrayal of trust, theft of personal property, potential enslavement, and violation of reproductive rights. Certainly, if it was a man planning on stealing a woman’s eggs, or just plain impregnating her without consent, everyone would be up in arms against such a man. The only reason anyone supported this woman is because she is a woman, and we’ve been so blasted by the idea that when it comes to reproduction, men don’t matter.
We’re fifty percent of the cause, but beyond being atms, we’re all to often given no voice in the solution.
Women, I implore you to act with honor and respect to your lovers and their desires. Men, well. Take this as a warning. There are those who would only use you to there ends. Act with honor, and utmost caution.
SpiderGoddes said:
I find it odd that this woman is willing to use the sperm of a man that clearly does not want to be a father, and isn’t leaning toward artificial insemination from happily donated sperm….
LikeLike
Aubs Tea said:
I was going to comment, but you said what I was thinking.
LikeLike
Aubs Tea said:
With a quick addition: So, while artificial insemination is a highly expensive thing (I assume), this argument falls on its face. If the woman really wishes to become a parent, then she should be willing to move Heaven and Earth, as well as spend a good deal of money, to see it happen. Also, I feel that spending that much money would be a kind of way to prepare her for how expensive a child can be.
LikeLike
Lucius Svartwulf said:
That was actually explained in the original discussion, and I didn’t throw it in here. Apparently she likes the look of this guy, his smarts, etc, and despite the fact they “feel nothing for each other” finds him desirable father material, and “doesn’t want want artificial insemination.” Because it wouldn’t mean as much or something.
I’ve been told that women tend to go more off emotions than “logic.” I have no idea if this is true, but if it is I suspect it’s one of those cases where emotions are overriding any sense of others or morality and rights
LikeLike
SpiderGoddes said:
Perhaps some women go off of emotions. However, I would be inclined to believe that is false. Being a woman, and being friends with a great many women, I have not seen this sweeping generalization to hold true for a majority.
LikeLike
Lucius Svartwulf said:
Hmm, fair enough. Perhaps it is only in certain circles that such things happen.
LikeLike
ljwitch said:
Why in the sam hell doesn’t this woman just go to a sperm bank and get a sperm donor?! WTF??? She’s clearly a dunce. The chances of her getting pregnant by the “turkey baster” method are slim when she’d have a much better chance with real insemination. I’m actually fairly put off by women who choose to have children without being married to a father for the child, but that’s just me. I don’t agree with the “single parent by choice” model.There is just a whole lot wrong with that situation. Too bad that “friend” of hers doesn’t go and tell this man so he can just leave and say “see, ya” and get out while he still can.
LikeLike
Lucius Svartwulf said:
As i said said to spider, apparently it’s because it “wouldn’t mean as much” as doing…what ever the hel this is.
As for why the “friend” doesn’t go tell the dude….it was because it would “violate’ the trust this woman put in her…
Yeah…
LikeLike
ljwitch said:
Violating the trust this woman put in her…….I don’t even have words for that. So, she’s going to be an accessory to the deception of this man, and perhaps an accomplice to his being forced into fatherhood. Fabulous. She’s just as bad as the woman plotting this BS. Where the hell is natural selection when you REALLY need it?!
LikeLike
Lucius Svartwulf said:
Yeah, not sure there are words, and I think I mentioned that after seeing everyone protest, this woman said she was starting to support her friend’s choice to commit theft and forced fatherhood. 😛
LikeLike
lokisdattir said:
I enjoy your blog and think you have a great talent for writing, but was wondering how you reconcile the strong goddesses of your pantheon with the belief that most women cannot manage motherhood and a career at the same time?
My ancestors served as shield maidens. They ran the household and villages when husbands were off at war. They worked as volvas and queens. All while raising children and doing the work necessary for survival. I really doubt the majority of the world’s women have ever had the luxury of choosing motherhood over work or a vocation. You need to feed your family.
Most women with education and opportunities want to be more than housewives.
LikeLike
Lucius Svartwulf said:
Uh, little confused here. I don’t recall saying anywhere that “most women cannot manage motherhood and career at the same time.” So I don’t know if you misunderstood me or are “playing the troll…”
Personally I think women (and men) are capable of managing parenthood and career at the same time. That said, considering the finite nature of time, any time spent on career cannot be spent on family, and any time spent on family cannot be spent on career. Inevitably, the draws of career or family will pull against each other.
So what happens then? Well, men, as a rule are told “suck it up and work.” Women, on the other hand, tend to have society say “do as you please” and while a woman might get some disdain by putting family ahead of career, she can still do it. Many often do. It is not that they are incapable, it is that they are…unwilling? Undesireous? of doing both in equal measure. Because it’s hard, really. And in this day and age of economic downturn that may or may not be equal unto the Great Depression, she might not have a choice if she loses her job.
At which point she needs money, either due to voluntary or involuntary drops in income, or perhaps just some level of greed a she realizes that kids cost more than she planned for, and she doesn’t like having to give up things she wants (which, clearly, the woman in question has problems with the word “no”). Suddenly, she finds herself in need of money. And, well, call me a cynic, but any woman willing to steal a guy’s sperm to get pregnant by him, there by violating his will and trust in the bedroom, is probably highly likely to violate his further trust, and her plan, of not going to him for financial support.
LikeLike
lokisdattir said:
Ah, I see. I was confused by this sentence:
“A woman who I suspect has dedicated her entire life to the feminist dream of career, and suddenly finds herself faced with the feminine dream of motherhood.”
“These dreams rarely come together well.”
Sorry for misunderstanding. You’re right, it is very difficult managing home life and a career. I wish fathers had longer paternity leave. We do have huge double standards for men and women: men are expected to be “breadwinners” and conform to stereotypical masculine roles. While women grapple with our own oppression, men also suffer their own: the macho culture encourages them to repress their emotions, which I think is very sad. The fact that men are viewed as “weak” if they cry or express their feelings is backwards. I hope, with time, that we will develop into a more egalitarian society in which we are allowed to be what we are, regardless of gender.
LikeLike