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Hey folks, its Asatru: World’s Greatest Religion* here with more great offers!
Tired of religions that tell you how to live your life, what is and isn’t appropriate in forms of dress, music, friends, what to eat and drink, and so on? Tired of being looked down on because you’re a Prep, Goth, Freak, Geek, Nerd, Musician, Soldier, Business person, and so on and so forth? Don’t worry, with Asatru: World’s Greatest Religion* you don’t have to worry about that anymore, because we have something for Everyone!
And yes, we do mean everyone!
There’s no one way to live in Asatru, and we’ve got Gods and Goddesses for every type and occasion, some of whom do more than one themselves! If you’re a person caught up in the latest fashions, check out Balder, Norse God of Beauty! If you like the classical touches, try Freya! Like heavy metal, go with Odin. If you like being a home maker, Frigga’s the Goddess for you. If you’re the scholarly type, we’ve got Odin and Saga! If you’re a fighter or a soldier, look to Odin, Thor, Tyr, Freya, and many others to aid you in battle.
We’ve got the original cute death girl, Hel! And if you’re a comic book fan, most of our Gods and Goddesses have made multiple appearances in all sorts of comic media and movies! And they kick ass!
It doesn’t matter what walk of life you’re on, we’re there for you, and we’re cool with it. You don’t have to walk around clean pressed and righteous. We get down there in the dirt with you. We’ve been in the dark places, we know that not everyone can be all bright and cheery, but we can be bright and cheery or dark and dreary or anything in between. Christians like to say that Jesus walks with everyone, but when you get down to it they don’t put their money where their mouth is, and in Islam, all to often unless you conform completely, bad things happen to you. We here at Asatru: World’s Greatest Religion* promise you a religious product that says “As long as you stand by us, we stand by you!” And we deliver.
*Warning: Asatru may or may not be the world’s greatest religion. Your mileage may vary with Asatru and other heathen religions. Asatru does not promise you salvation from your sins or an easy way out for past wrongs you have done to people. Asatru is a religion with homework. Those allergic to reading or thinking for themselves may find they have difficulty with Asatru. Do not take Asatru if you are a religious zealot, as you might find the multiplicity of opinions might cause headaches, nausea, open-mindedness, and an intolerance for religious stupidity and supremacy from monotheistic religions.