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For various reasons, I don’t have to worry about writing this one at the moment.

At my job, one of the things I had to do was get people to sign up for “special offers.” In this case it was subscriptions to magazines and discount cards. I’m sure everyone is familiar with these if you spend much time in retail stores like book or music shops, though it does happen elsewhere. And, for me, there’s nothing inherently wrong with “shilling” special offers.

Heck, when I worked at a call center doing auto-loans, I was one of the top people for getting people to go for those special offers. Mostly because they actually were complementary to the loans people were getting and it actually felt like I was helping them by getting them to sign up for them. When it came to the most recent job, however, I did have some problems.

Recently, due to shift changes, I went from doing pretty good getting people to sign up for stuff, to sucking at it. There were some questions as to why this was, I explained them as I understood what I thought the issues were, and the response back was “well, X person does works those same shifts and they don’t have any problems getting people to sign up.”

I’m going to start by saying that that is a fair point. If one person could do it, why couldn’t I? And while I don’t hold that I’m inherently better than anyone else, I also hold that I’m not inherently lesser than others. So why could I not do what someone else did?

Well, something did pop into my head, but I didn’t say it because…amazingly enough, I can sometimes be tactful.

As anyone who has read my blog knows, I’m a somewhat autistic, pretty darn evil (at least by most standards), honor obsessed demon-deity-thing. After all, years ago I got myself screwed over in relationships repeatedly by refusing to break my oaths, even as everyone else was snapping them like pretzel sticks.

Damn, now I kinda want pretzel sticks, and I sort of hate those things…

Anyways, I’m pretty big on keeping my oaths, and I’m really, really not good with deceiving people. Which, I admit, is probably why I seem tactless most of the time. Doesn’t exactly help me “sell” things to customers. And to me, most of sales very literally is deception. I’ve nothing against consumerism, but let us be honest…most of us really don’t need the shit we get sold, but we’re led to believe we do. So that’s part of why I have trouble.

The other part of this does have to relate to the co-worker who could sell. Now, again, I try not to judge people (at least by my standards, their own on the other hand…) and I try not to hold that I am “superior” to anyone else. Keep that in mind.

Said co-worker was a fairly attractive and girl (automatically gains +4 to social interactions), vs me…and I’m not sure I’ve got pictures of me up here but I’m tall, fairly “dark” and friendly is a concept I know but don’t always succeed in practicing. Still, nothing that can’t be overcome. On the other hand…this girl was a good Catholic girl when I first started working with her. Wore her catholic cross, strong in her faith, “wait until marriage” kind of girl. And she was engaged. She was also “asexual,” in the sense of she had absolutely no sex drive/sexual desire. I thought this a bit odd (being a Scorpio and all), but meh, I’ve seen stranger things.

She goes off, and then comes back to work recently. Get caught up. Turns out, not engaged anymore. Apparently her fiance, faced with an entire, divorce free life of matrimony to a woman who would never, ever, every find him sexually attractive or desirable, decided he was going to get laid with someone who actually wanted him before he clasped his cock in the golden ring of holy matrimony. She found out, dumped him, angrily moved on.

And while I do not ever condone breaking ones oaths…secretly I admitted that was a time I actually could understand infidelity. Given the man was looking at a potential 50+ years of never, every being desired by his wife…yeah. Not saying what he did was right, but I could understand breaking under that pressure.

I of course, did not say that too her. Because I know of tact.

Flash forwards a bit, and a bit of a shock happens. This good, nice, catholic girl…is dating someone. Okay, cool, good for her. She’s dating a woman.

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In fact, she’s dating a black, lesbian, unmarried, teen mom. Or what ever you call a teen mom when she’s actually in her early twentys now. Former-teen mom? Idk, people and their labels are confusing at times. Not that there’s anything wrong with those things separately or together, but the amount of stereotypes in one place were a bit discombobulating to me. Also, my guess, the coworker was not in fact “asexual” but was in fact lesbian.

The fun didn’t stop there, however. Working in a place rather open to lgbt folks, stories got out. Mostly about how said co-workers mom (also a devout catholic) wasn’t exactly happy with her daughter’s sudden jumping off the righteous path and into the storm tossed depths of the second circle of Hell. And, again, while I’m not a christian…I could sympathize with her mother’s…unhappiness.

Of course, my co-worker felt her mother was in the absolute wrong here and should lovingly support her daughter’s new found happiness. And that she was a horrible bigot for not doing so. She wasn’t too happy with her fellow parish members either, for obvious reasons. I’m sure you get the gist.

So where am I going with this?

Well…my co-worker feels that the world should cater to her desires (how dare mom/church not support my lesbianism), that she is in the “right” (how dare he cheat on me, I deserve my lesbian love), and engaged in active deception in order to obtain her goals (telling her fiance for years she was asexual and never want him that way while all the while not being asexual at all).

Is it any wonder that such a person can sell people things?

Such attitudes create an internal mindset that justifies most things in order to obtain desired goals.

And then I’m saddled with a mindset that doesn’t think the world should cater to my desires (just don’t bother me as I pursue them), never entirely sure I’m in the “right” (hell, most of my life is about how “wrong” I’m going to have to get in the course of seeking “right”), and I’m fucking terrible at even passive omission, much less active deception.

Objectively though…I’m not “better” because hers is the way that succeeds. Hel, if my life has taught me anything its that those willing to engage in deception and oath-breaking are far, far more likely to succeed.

And yet…I cannot become those things. Largely because in my youth I saw the kind of people they were, and I didn’t want to be like that. So I made it such that I couldn’t be like that. Ultimately, I may have screwed myself over…which sucks.

But, being the “honor” obsessed idiot that I am…I find I can live with that easier than if I spent my life lying to people just to get what I wanted.

 

 

Hela Bless

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